Marriage. Dos anos.

So I am going to write a letter to my husband here. 1) Because I want it to be kept as long as possible. 2) Because I want people to know the beauty that marriage is with a good man.  And that it is humbling.  Good things should always be humbling.

Baby cakes,

I adore you.  I don't know how I ever got so lucky or so blessed.  I really don't.  

I am not worthy of you in any way.  I know you and others might think differently but I know my heart and I know yours and yours is far greater than mine.  But that is why I married you. I want to be more like you. I want to be able to say no to my flesh and yes to Jesus in moments where my will is brought to the table. You are able to do that. You are able to just hug me whenever I am the one who is wrong. You aren't worried about winning with me and you truly treat me as though just being married to me is winning.  

You love our little girl. No wonder she lights up every time you walk in the room. She knows "good."  She knows her daddy.  When I think of how fatherless this world is it brings me to tears to think that our little girl will never know that.  It breaks my heart to think of all of those that are when I see who my dad is and now who you are to Ruth.  I am blessed.  Beyond measure.

And your work ethic.  You NEVER complain. Ever.  I mean except to usher in a back massage :) And you work your tail off.  I love you so much for that.

And your wisdom. I have never seen someone who is able to speak pure wisdom over anyone. I mean I can talk to you about something going on in someone's life you do not know and you literally give the most spot on wisdom. Every time. I have given up on ever trying to 'be right" with you because I have realized I am right by just being married to you.  

You were worth waiting a thousand years for.  (Did you like my Twilight song plug?)  But really, you were.  I am thankful God only had me wait for 29.  

You refresh my soul and lift my hands when I am weak.  You are my biggest fan and I yours.  I want all men to be like you.  And I can't say that about anyone other than you and my dad.

I can't wait to keep learning you.  You delight my soul, protect my heart and cherish my every breath.

And you like Disneyland as much as I do. And road trips.  You don't like ice cream still but you let me eat it whenever and even take me on dates to get it. And you are a mad cook. And cleaner. And house builder/reconstructor/etc. 

I love you.

Even more.

Your wife.

The end of one's self

Do you know how hard it is to die to yourself?  Impossibly difficult.  I mean seriously.  I have a fresh perspective.  I now, through having a baby, realize who Jesus really is and what "death to self" actually means.  And it took all of me to realize it.

We think marriage does that.  Yes, there are hard days, but most of us dressed up in a gorgeous dress, got a pretty ring, and have a few disagreements and moments where we surrender even if we are right and choose the way together, not our own way (for the record, my husband is nearly always right, I learned this early).  But for the most part, you mainly get glimpses and not the full reality...until being a mom comes into the picture.  

If you don't know Him and are a mom, here is a quick connection you now have:  Jesus was God incarnate (meaning the last thing He ever needed to do was to become human, mortal and be beat up, abused, scoffed/mocked, spat upon, etc).  He chose to die for us because of the joy that was set before Him in being able to make us right with God (we are all sinners...well at least I haven't met a perfect person yet:)). And this is where the mom thing comes in:

It is the GREATEST thing in the world. But also the HARDEST.  Truly, in order to be great at it, you have to die to any desires you have and pour EVERYTHING into it. EVERYTHING.  I remember going through labor thinking, "This is the only thing in life I cannot quit."  If you have been through labor (and I was induced...icky), you know what I mean.  It is the worst pain in the world and there is no going back. At all. It's not like you can just say, "I will wait til' tomorrow, k?"

That's Jesus.  He knew the pain He would suffer but knew we were worth it.  WORTH everything. Worth life.

This is how I feel about my daughter.  She cried for two straight hours last night and I was beat.  On the floor crying actually because I had no idea what else to do.  So I started singing, worship music.  She fell asleep.

I died to myself, once again, and her beauty and rest arose from it. Just like what happens when we realize that Jesus alone is the one who died for us and loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. 

It was the end of Himself that led to the abundance we get to live.  And I pray I am the exact same for my daughter. Our daughter. Our beautiful promise of a little girl.  

Ruth Charlotte, you rock. And I promise to continually put you above myself.

I love you, baby girl.  And Jesus loves you more (it seems impossible but I know it to be true).

And to the darling girl in Georgia who emailed me, you blessed my heart beyond measure.  Oh how the God of the universe spoke to me through the encouragement of a 22 year old :)  

Love, Anna N

What love is not.

Funny the things that can inspire you. 

 Strangely, the one that inspired this thought/tangent /digression (not sure if this is a word...) was a two hour movie solely dedicated to a 16 year old boy. I am guessing most of you, possibly, have seen “Justin Bieber-Never Say Never?” (PS: Spellcheck still doesn't recognize “Bieber” so things are not as far gone as we think).

It truly was a great movie about an adorable little kid who is really talented. The one thing I realized, while watching it with my sister, is that it shows a beautiful (and also disturbing picture) of what love is not.

Love is not obsession.

Love is not momentary.

Love is not erratic.

Love is not this:

My sister was saying I should write a book on this and who knows, possibly I will (I have started two others but just haven't found the gumption to complete them yet). This really is so important: for women, and men, to realize that love is not this temporary exposition of emotion.

Everyone seems to be looking for twitterpation (Bambi...); that madly in love feeling that hikes you to the moon and back. However, when they don't have it (for our generation this is the shocking divorce rate that stems from “I'm no longer happy”..aka: this person no longer pleases me entirely- or for our parents generation: the "my children were my little gods for too many years and I forgot to learn who my spouse was"), they think that they have “fallen out of love.” Truth is-you had no idea what love was in the first place.

We can easily be the girl in the Justin Bieber video who let someone fill a void and then made it an obsession. We can make that person a god and then chose to stop worshipping them when they stopped worshipping us and fulfilling a void we have. Harsh-but true. I know-I was this girl and I feel called to make sure that other women are not.

LOVE is these verses that are read at nearly all weddings...if only people really knew what they were having pronounced before family and friends/witnesses.

I Corinthians 13: 4-8

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It ALWAYS protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.

This is TRUTH and it is hard.  I pray our marriage is always built on this, on the statutes that God set forth for the standards for love.  It really changes your entire life to experience love in this way: both in giving it and also in receiving it.  

Matt and I have had to totally work on things much harder than we did before our little peanut arrived. We HAVE TO KEEP LEARNING each other and, in the words of my beautiful friend Tammy, "nothing good is ever easy" (they just got a little girl from Uganda after waiting for 1.5 years).

Oh, and new friend, this was a post I started weeks ago and decided I must finish it based on what you posted today.  Thanks for being such a kindred spirit :)

Oh, and a little dose of Ruthie :)

She is pure delight. She talks up a storm and loves to sing. Praise Jesus for a beautiful little one like you.  

You are our sunshine in the midst of an Oregon winter.

xoxo, Anna (one working on loving well)

We are ready!

So this might be the last post as "just" a wife/sister/friend/daughter before I add Mother to the titles...

Here is a project I did today-the finishing touch on the nursery!  I made a crib skirt (much harder than I thought and PS: linen shrinks when you wash/dry it so be sure to get extra at the fabric store!) and then painted chevron stripes with the paint from the buffet table. Naturally, I measure nothing and it was freehand chevron (with Frog tape) so please don't look too closely.

And DIY is not cheaper...

And here is the finished nursery!!!  I will take better pics during the day and also not with the IPhone :) My Snow White mirror made it in there.

And, this is husband and I's Sunday :) We finished the book and HIGHLY recommend ALL (I am serious about this one) to read it...married, single, dating, etc. 

And our beautiful friend Rebecca had one of her friends at work make this for Baby Norman...I am in love. She gave it to us before church last night and I held it the whole time :)

xoxo, Anna N

PS: Doc said the baby should come anytime thus this world will soon have a baby with an amazing father and a miraculous God :)

Friendship.

I will do a recap on the "party-life" we lead in the next few days but I just read something that touched me so much that I had to share.  One of the pastor's wives at our church writes a blog and today she posted on marriage and the necessity of friendship.

Please go here. :)

As you can tell, I am a HUGE (literally, 39 weeks preggo, pic below) fan of great marriages.  My husband and I last night were talking about how we feel so blessed to love being married and were pondering what we were called to do with this. After all, we are all blessed only to go out and be a blessing to others.

I always tell people that marriage is for friendship (this is also ALL over the Timothy Keller book we are reading, "The Meaning of Marriage).  I not only love my husband-immensely, I also really, really, really like my husband.

To be honest-for all of you single gals, this makes dating a lot easier.  If you are looking for a great friend, so much pressure is taken off.  God is often quite great and often throws in the fact that your "great friend" also happens to be ridiculously handsome and can make you laugh like no other :)

Please enjoy the article and here is a pic of the wee one with one week left...

Don't you wonder who is in there??? Ruth or Henry???

Oh, and here is my best friend/lover/husband/confidant/protector/etc.

xoxo, Anna N

Less than 3 weeks...

In theory.  The doctor said my body was "doing nothing" in regards to getting ready for having the wee one and I am quite alright with that. I know that my body and the wee one will decide at just the right time when to make the big (hopefully not "too big") reveal.

Crazy, huh?  There is nothing in the world that can prepare for your entire identity changing in the blink of an eye (with labor of course...).  Kind of in the same way that one moment Matt and I said "I do" and the next minute I went from being Anna Wright to being Anna Norman. An entirely new identity-an unconditional commitment (praise God for coming up with marriage-I quite adore this man).

Here are a few things we have been up to:

1) This used to be a lion painting (see below).  It is very large...5'x4'.  It is being transformed into something a little less jungly.  I had the initial idea but of course the brilliant husband came up with even more ways to make it such a fun piece and more artsy.  Hopefully it will be done within the next few days...I know the Lion is awesome but my design imagination couldn't go that big.

2) Husband is taking me walking.  I know you might want to hear that I worked out all of my pregnancy but that would be such a farce.  I have literally been on 6 walks since being pregnant.  Yes, I can count them on two hands.  I so plan on getting back into this working out thing after baby arrives.

3) I found Juanita's chips in large bags: also known as, "Fiesta size."  If you know my husband, you might know these are one of his favorite things-EVER.  I make sure the pantry is always stocked but thankfully, a once a year trip to Winco, revealed that I don't have to put them on the list as often.

Does anyone else feel that place feels like the old TV show, "Supermarket Sweep?"

4) My husband's recent reading-well one of the many books he has been reading. This book is fantastic and a must for any new dad. I just wish there was a mommy version...I am relying a little too much on God's grace and the intuition He gives.

5) You. Must. Read. This. Book.  Single, dating, married...it is incredible.  You might have noted I am a LARGE Timothy Keller fan (technically with the belly I am now "large" in the literal sense:)).  This book is amazing whether you are a Christian or not. Such an amazing perspective on selfishness, marriage, independence, culture, etc.  We read it each night before we go to bed.  It is lovely.

You are lovely, too.

xoxo, Anna N

Thanksgiving and truth.

It is official. Blogging is not my "gig." 

I am always torn between what a blog is even supposed to be for. I truly feel that WHATEVER I do: whether it be writing, speaking, eating, etc. is all supposed to honor God and encourage others through that. I haven't felt like much of an encourager lately as the home project was (as always) quite a bit larger than we anticipated and most of the time that I used to spend with others has been moved to getting the home put together.

But, God has brought many people into our lives lately that are in the midst of stories of divorce, betrayal, abuse, and just the pains of a broken world. 

Hence, when it comes to writing, here is the honest truth of what I would like to write about in very vivid ways:

1) Divorce is not better for children. Divorce sucks. The word itself means "death."

2) Our generation is a generation of quitters (and the generation preceding it).

I asked a 92 year old women who had been married 67 years what the secret was to their marriage.  She said, "Honey, when I was your age, quitting wasn't an option."

3) Fathers need to be fathers and mothers need to be mothers. Period. Children are in desperate need of their parents.

4) This world is in desperate/deep need of knowing Jesus and His forgiveness and knowing grace/mercy/peace/hope/love and that maybe ALL of this does matter.

5) Redemption is possible.  Healing is possible.  Life after abuse is more than possible.

6) The beauty of what God does in a woman's body in creating a baby.  There is no other possible way, other than through Him, that our little one will come into this world.  Halle-lujah.  I am not the one telling my cells to replicate, differentiate, multiply, etc.

Pictures of the remodel are coming! 

My husband just happens to be able to do plumbing, electrical, construction which is a huge blessing (but also takes up A LOT of time).  So blessed by him.

PS: Me at 6.5 months.  Might I mention the things I love: my leggings, UGGs, Helly Hansen jacket, and forever 21 tank tops.

A love story.

Happy Monday, lovelies!

You can find Matt and I's story here today: www.hespeaksinthesilence.com

Or you can find me at Home Depot, painting doors, packing boxes, the doctor's office (PS: the echocardiogram was clear and apparently our baby is "quite active"), etc.

xoxo, Anna

PS: My down jackets barely zip...this little workout tummy friend seems to be taking up more and more space by the day :)

Week of lists: What I will always fight for.

This is huge.  All of this is huge. I am tenacious and have lessened over the years but there are certain things that I pray I never stop being passionate about.  And please, if I ever try to justify something and change what is written below because of a situation, PLEASE call me out on it.

So I know a gun doesn't describe fighting super well but you get the picture...PS: I was shooting at basalt rock-tough chick.

PS: For the record, I strongly dislike real fighting (you know, WWF stuff).

Things I will always fight for:

1) Standards. I will always be the girlfriend to tell you to raise your standards. Not the ridiculous ones like, "-make $2M a year, have bright blue eyes/6'4"/Italian, etc" but the real ones: a man worthy of respect, someone you are attracted to, someone who challenges you, someone who will fight for you, someone who sees you as the wonder that God created you to be.  Plus, standards help other people step up and sometimes people want to be told they were/are meant to be something great :)

2) Marriage.  I will always fight for this. Why? It reflects a relationship that God created and because of that it is BEYOND sacred.  Meaning, don't mess with it.  I know my husband and I will experience hard times but I pray you will always fight with me on this (even if I ever start to make situational remarks).  My heart will ALWAYS be for reconciliation.  I have seen the power of forgiveness (read "Same Kind of Different As Me") and I want to experience that beauty throughout my life.  Seriously, go read that book.

3) Forgiveness.  Again, read the book above. True story. Then read this post.

4) Fathers.   Being Fathers. Men, being men.  I meet with four different women who didn't really have fathers and just this last Saturday night I prayed with two different ladies who's fathers are continuing who their fathers were (alcohol and abuse).  Please, if you are a man, make that your goal to be a man of courage and to love your wife and your children as Jesus loves us.  You will change the world through your home.  I have a fantastic dad-but his dad wasn't at all.  My dad changed their legacy.

5) Beauty. I want people to know what this world was created to be and why that crazy desire in our hearts for beauty never ceases and is insatiable.  It penetrates every chasm of our being because we were created as beauty-in the eyes of God. May we never cease to see it: in everything.

What are things that you would fight for?  What statutes do you have that you want others to make sure you maintain, even when the waters are rough?

xoxo, Anna (and baby)

PS: We are 18 weeks! And wow, I can feel this little one! I think our baby is secretly a ninja.

Almost here...one year!!!

One Year.

It is official-this Sunday, July 24th, my husband and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary!  I don't have words to express, at least those that would satiate the feelings, of how much love I feel towards this man.  Ladies-wait for something great (remember "good" is the enemy of "great").  I never knew, nor was I quite sure that I believed, that you could actually fall more in love with someone everyday.  Now I know it as fact and am constantly caught up in the greatness of God and who He gave me to be my husband, partner, best friend, lover, and lifemate.

Babe- I always remember John Mark saying that you "don't marry someone you can live with but marry someone you can't live without." You are the one I cannot be without.  You make me a better person everyday. You constantly know me, love me and care for me in a way that I have only seen the story of Jesus reflect.  You are my superman and the most beautiful human being I know.  You are everything I dreamed of (and I am a dreamer) and somehow a million times more beautiful and right in real life.

Thank you for the greatest year of my life.  The sheer unconditional nature of your love has brought me to tears so many times and I praise Jesus I get to spend my life with a man as tender and strong (and hot) as you.  I hope our baby is just like you in every single way. 

Ephesians 3:21  Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.

Amen.