Love Letter to the Ladies

Dear lovelies:

This is my love letter to all of you. I want and know in my heart that some of you need to hear part of my story.  It is not one of tragedy by any stretch but it is laced with choices that were not wise and were compounded with an insatiable desire to be known.

If you are woman, you know what I am talking about.

We all want to be known.  And sadly, nearly all of us at one point were/are willing to do just about anything to be known, if even being "known"is only for a few minutes, hours, days, etc.  I had that desire from the time I was about 17 to about 27-a decade of my life filled with my soul on the altar of being desired.

Some of my dearest friends know some of my stories.  I won't go into a ton of detail but let's just say there were many nights where I don't remember how I got to where I was, many mornings where I didn't know who I had hung out with the night before, YEARS of staring at my phone/computer waiting for one person or another to call/text/etc/acknowledge me, times of driving under the influence that I don't even remember, etc.

I was telling one of my amazing girlfriends some of these stories.  She has a crazy story and a ton of brokenness from her father and her life growing up.  We were talking about how I felt like I had a hedge of protection around me for all those years.  Because, the interesting thing about my story is: that I somehow remained a virgin until I was married (any of my friends who were with me during this period of time would say aside from the mighty hand of God that would've been impossible-I mean IMPOSSIBLE), never got arrested, never got pursued by the men that I wanted to be pursued by (until my husband), and literally made it through ten straining years somewhat unscathed.

This same girlfriend recently went through a crazy experience where someone she knew ended up taking their own life and all of this stuff came out after (laden with nothing good: I mean affairs, multiple partners within two marriages, affairs with men/women, etc). She could never figure out why this one particular guy would never really pursue her, especially physically. He pursued everyone else and seemed to always keep her at arms distance in a quite respectful way. And trust me, this friend of mine is drop-dead-gorgeous and she could literally get asked out ten times a day.

It was after she was telling me this whilst sitting on my couch that she with tears said, "I know now exactly what you were talking about when you said there was a hedge of protection around you. Could you have imagined my life if I would've gotten involved with him?"

So please-I write you because I don't want ANY of you to pine after someone/something that God did not intend for you.  It will destroy you in many instances and you will be left striving for your value not from your Maker but from another broken person.  You will forget, quite easily, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Satan tends to be an expert at telling lies regarding such.

Stop waiting for that boy to text or call.  Stop trying to get drunk just to get the nerves to act a little bit "looser" so maybe more boys will pay attention.  Stop saying to yourself, "if just this guy liked me."

I did all of this. This is from my heart.

And start living. Pick up a Bible and learn who Jesus is and why you are fearfully and wonderfully made.  Volunteer.  A lot (one of the best seasons of my life).  Serve others.  Really start thinking about the purpose for this life and realize in that, who God made you to be and how much you are cherished.

And don't be me in the "lost" decade.  God had SO MUCH GRACE on me and not only did I get an amazing husband, I also got a beautiful daughter who's soul just delights anyone around her.  My heart also can now soar because, "she who has been forgiven much, loves much."  And because I know that grace was poured out on me, it helps me to realize the beauty of what can be and what often really is all around us.

So again, please don't use alcohol to lose yourself (because yourself is pretty awesome), please don't throw yourself at boys because I promise you...only ONE is worth your heart and I doubt it is the same one you will throw yourself at, and please, don't have a lost decade like I did.

I love you.  I really do.  And if you are local-I like coffee dates and hearing peoples' stories.  My schedule is just a little cray-cray these days :)

Love, Anna N

Oh, and here is a post from awhile ago on "waiting."

Convicting.

I recently saw a note from a little girl to her mother that she wrote hoping her mom would happen to read it.  It will break your heart.

It said: "Mom, in case you happen to read this. Please stop being angry.  Please tell dad why you are mad. Please do it for our family."

In her own little handwriting on her own little pink notebook.  

I know I can be like this sometimes. Wanting only my will and my way and it costing the spirit of my husband and my daughter.  I really dislike that part of myself.  With a passion. I am currently reading through Romans in my Bible and it speaks so much of the flesh and how its desires our purely selfish and not like Jesus at all.  Oh. Do. I. Know. That. Truth. 

Please fight for your families. Pick up a Bible and learn about Jesus and how to be more like Him.  He really is exceptionally counter-cultural and thus insanely breathtaking and captivating.  He is not only my Savior and the one who spoke redemption over my life but also the one who I know can help me to step away from myself and deeply desire to serve others.

Because people are worth it. They are worth us serving them and putting ourselves last. I so hope we can raise Ruth to let other people go in front of her at the grocery store, to be one to get out of her seat when an elderly person/pregnant lady/etc is around, to be one to open the doors, to be one to let others get in front of her on the freeway and then to kindly wave, to genuinely ask "How are you?"..., to bake cookies for others and learn to make meals simply to use it as an instrument to serve.  

We love you little dollie and I apologize if/when my heart is for me and not for our family and for your father and for our Jesus.  May you reflect your Maker and hopefully, more often than not, that will mean you reflect your momma. 

Love, Someone desperately in need of Grace

PS: In case you wonder where the pics of our little family are...

they are on instagram: sotrulylovely

The World's Most Loved Baby

For real.

No wonder our little peanut is always smiles. Seriously, she slept for ten minutes in the car today and we arrived at our destination. My goal was to quietly put her in the Ergo and keep her asleep. Well...I open the door, with the lovely Miss Cheryl (an amazing mentor/mother of four grown kiddos) standing there, and Miss Ruthie opens her eyes and just starts beaming at Cheryl.

Yep. That is her. Pure joy and all sorts of friendliness.

Friends: thank you for loving our girl as though she were your own. You have helped give us the most delightful little girl ever.

Oh, and she said "Mama" last night. I squealed. I actually think she might know what it means, too because she only does it while reaching for me. Momma's wishful thinking.

Eek. Oh, and she sleeps now. Praise Jesus. No joke-she naps, too. Praise Him, again.  

God-you are good. Thank you for making me realize I have SOOOO much to learn and I am seriously lacking in patience, stamina, perseverance, etc.  Oh, and thanks for showering me in grace. As always.

And this crew from where I used to live-you lift my soul.   Bachelorette Pad-you were/are/will always be a life changer.

The Typical Family photo-super dad, Ruth's hand in mom's mouth. 

xoxo, Anna N

The end of one's self

Do you know how hard it is to die to yourself?  Impossibly difficult.  I mean seriously.  I have a fresh perspective.  I now, through having a baby, realize who Jesus really is and what "death to self" actually means.  And it took all of me to realize it.

We think marriage does that.  Yes, there are hard days, but most of us dressed up in a gorgeous dress, got a pretty ring, and have a few disagreements and moments where we surrender even if we are right and choose the way together, not our own way (for the record, my husband is nearly always right, I learned this early).  But for the most part, you mainly get glimpses and not the full reality...until being a mom comes into the picture.  

If you don't know Him and are a mom, here is a quick connection you now have:  Jesus was God incarnate (meaning the last thing He ever needed to do was to become human, mortal and be beat up, abused, scoffed/mocked, spat upon, etc).  He chose to die for us because of the joy that was set before Him in being able to make us right with God (we are all sinners...well at least I haven't met a perfect person yet:)). And this is where the mom thing comes in:

It is the GREATEST thing in the world. But also the HARDEST.  Truly, in order to be great at it, you have to die to any desires you have and pour EVERYTHING into it. EVERYTHING.  I remember going through labor thinking, "This is the only thing in life I cannot quit."  If you have been through labor (and I was induced...icky), you know what I mean.  It is the worst pain in the world and there is no going back. At all. It's not like you can just say, "I will wait til' tomorrow, k?"

That's Jesus.  He knew the pain He would suffer but knew we were worth it.  WORTH everything. Worth life.

This is how I feel about my daughter.  She cried for two straight hours last night and I was beat.  On the floor crying actually because I had no idea what else to do.  So I started singing, worship music.  She fell asleep.

I died to myself, once again, and her beauty and rest arose from it. Just like what happens when we realize that Jesus alone is the one who died for us and loves us UNCONDITIONALLY. 

It was the end of Himself that led to the abundance we get to live.  And I pray I am the exact same for my daughter. Our daughter. Our beautiful promise of a little girl.  

Ruth Charlotte, you rock. And I promise to continually put you above myself.

I love you, baby girl.  And Jesus loves you more (it seems impossible but I know it to be true).

And to the darling girl in Georgia who emailed me, you blessed my heart beyond measure.  Oh how the God of the universe spoke to me through the encouragement of a 22 year old :)  

Love, Anna N

Happy unofficial friends day.

I tear up just writing this.  I have the most beautiful friends in the world.  I sat with one of my dearest girlfriends the other day (the one who had her daughter 3 days before Ruth) and seriously teared up just talking to her because not only do I cherish her sooo much (her heart, her thoughts, her wisdom) but she fills me up when I am with her.

I have so many of those friends and I am so blessed. Friends that I often tear up when I am around because they either bring my joy to the surface and thus tears or we talk about the harder things in life and we cry together.

I am humbled. I am not deserving of any of them: my high school girls, my mom friends, my Bachelorette pad lovelies, the lovelies I have met at/through church, people I meet in Starbucks/Freddies/walking, etc.

Thank you for loving me and showing the abundance of God's grace to one who is not worthy of the love she feels showered upon her.

A preview from last weekend...

All my love.

And more.

Anna

Oh-and husband, thank you for being my best friend.  

Song of Songs 5:16 

He is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this my friend. 

Amen.

I would post pics but I have too many amazing friends and I would hate to leave anyone out :) Hence, the hubby pic...

Who he is.

This is the man I married. 

The man who will soon be the father of our baby, the man who I aspire to be more like everyday, the man who I cherish more than I thought humanly possible.  

God is so real and this man is living proof of who He can be in in our lives when we actually know the Maker (contrary to popular belief-I am not the one instructing this baby on how to grow:)).

My sister's photography rocks:  www.maewrightphotography.com

See video here.

Baby-boy do I love you.  You are so beautiful to me.  I love your muscles, too.

Meaningful Mondays.

I thought I should start having themes (I do much better with specific things to write about) and thus, while finishing a book this afternoon, realized the start to my week needs to "meaningful."  

Today is about forgiveness and the unsurpassed beauty of grace.  I just finished reading Philip Yancey's book, "What Good is God," and was touched my a story he wrote about.  This story comes out of South Africa after the apartheid and transformation with Nelson Mandela regarding the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC).

"A policeman named van de Broek recounted an incident when he and other officers shot an 18 year old boy and burned the body, turning it on the fire like a piece of barbecue meat in order to destroy the evidence.  Eight years later van de Broek returned to the same house and seized the boy's father.  The wife was forced to watch as policeman bound her husband on a woodpile, poured gasoline over his body, and ignited it.

The courtroom grew hushed as the elderly woman who had lost first her son and then her husband was given a change to respond. "What do you want from Mr. van de Broek?" the judge asked.  She said she wanted van de Broek to go to the place where they burned her husband's body and gather up the dust so she could give him a decent burial. His head down, the policeman nodded in agreement.

Then she added a further request, "Mr. van de Broek took all my family away from me, and I still have a lot of love to give.  Twice a month, I would like for him to come to the ghetto and spend a day with me so I can be a mother to him. And I would like Mr. van de Broek to know that he is forgiven by God, and that I forgive him, too.  I would like to embrace him so he can know my forgiveness is real."

Some in the courtroom spontaneously began singing "Amazing Grace" as the elderly woman made her way to the witness stand, but van de Broek did not hear the hymn. He had fainted, physically overwhelmed by grace."

"What Good is God" Page 280-281

May you know what grace and forgiveness mean and thus, what the real meaning to this season is (the gifts are a bonus).

PS: Have you read the following book yet?  PLEASE DO!

xoxo, Anna N

Delayed Gratitude.

I totally forgot to post pics from Thanksgiving! 

It was such a great time with my family and Matt's family together at his parent's home in Albany. We are so blessed to have the families we have...

We also had a swell Christmas party with our neighbors last night!  I would love to say we took lots of pics but that just didn't happen. Too much loveliness going on from 7 to 11:30 for that to happen.

Merry Christmas in advance.  Oh how merry it is...

The future grandmothers...how blessed is our baby! 

Can't even deal with this hotness and cuteness together.  This my friends is Baby Grace :)

Hopefully we have a better effect on our child-she looks slightly traumatized.

It fascinates me when babies love cameras like she does!

The amazing makeshift dinner table to hold 16 people!

If you ever have questions of why Meggie and I are goofy...and please look at my mom's expression!

I love you.


xoxo, Anna Norman (8 months down)

So much.

Everything in my life goes back to the Bible verse that was on our wedding invites:  Now unto Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think.  Ephesians 3:20


I have tears in my eyes just typing about how grateful I am.  I will never be able to give enough praise to God for what He has done in my life and how He consistently blesses those who know Him and just as beautifully, those who don't.  

My List:

+For grace, His abundant grace.

+For our families.  We are getting ready to head down with my parents and sister to his parents house. Our parents genuinely love each other and we get to spend all holidays with both of our families together.  "Exceedingly abundantly."

+My husband.  You might think this blog is an ode to him and you might be partially correct :)  I fall more in love with him every second I breath.  It is humbling to be loved so well. Each day I think that I couldn't love him more and then I awaken and fall even deeper into love.

+A new home. Amazing neighbors. Answered prayers.

+Our baby.  I have never in my life believed more strongly in God as I do now watching my stomach move around and thinking... Someone thought all of this up.

+Our friends. We are so loved.

A humbled lady, Anna Norman