Friday, July 08, 2011

Another blast from the past.

A lovely lady I know I had emailed me regarding a post that I had reposted from years ago (here).    It was interesting to me to realize how much the subject of "waiting" captivates women's hearts.  I started writing a book years ago called "Heart Murmurs" that went through all of the CV diseases that might effect our physical hearts and compared it to the emotional heart.  I will add snippets of it someday :)  The Bible is so clear on the "heart is the well-spring of life" and when you look at the fact that more people in the US die of heart disease than anything else, it makes sense.

What really caught me in my research was atherosclerosis: the hardening of the arteries.  This is something that happens over many, many years and it is a slow calcified buildup.   This buildup leads to the narrowing of the arteries and thus it is harder for oxygen (aka: life) to get to the heart. It eventually can lead to a heart attack, stroke or death.

How fascinating it is that we do the same thing with our emotional hearts. We let things build up over years (ask anyone who hasn't gone through counseling or broken the cycle from abuse, addiction, bitterness, etc).  Then slowly, but surely, because we never stopped to realize what was "building up," we lose our oxygen flow and we become hardened.  I would put up pictures but it would definitely disgust you.  "Hardened heart" ring a bell. It got it's name from somewhere :)

Two of my lovelies, Courtney and Heather (both bridesmaids), went with me to berry pick yesterday and this was a bulk of our conversation (might I add how ridiculously awesome that is-post to come next).  How if we don't get rid of that plaque and start tearing it away, tearing away the lies, the hurt, the bitterness, then we are less open to life, literally.  We must view ourselves in the eyes of the One who made us and promised us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." When did we start believing satan and letting the world telling us we weren't worth it?  That has got to stop.  It is a lie and it will slowly, but again surely, destroy.

Here is something I jotted years ago but my heart still rings true.  Ladies-maybe the Maker is trying to speak to one of you and let you know that you are worth it.  That you are chosen, beautiful, perfect, and set apart.  Let that voice be the one you hear.  And then maybe, the lies will dwindle away.

             What can break my heart (2007)

I am a somewhat transparent person: not overly private, will tell you nearly all that you ask (nearly), and I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. By God’s good grace, my transparent personality is also coupled with His wisdom-and trust me, you can tell when I am not walking with Him.  So unwise!!!

I have never personally had my heart broken and I also really don’t care to feel what that is like…although I do love it when people say that you must go through it so you know what love really is. I am pretty sure I can feel love without having it wrenched out of my heart, thank you! It’s kind of like somebody telling you that you have to break your leg in order to actually know its full function. I don’t think so…  

Here is my real heart break: one of my dearest friends called me the other night and stated that she had been dating someone for nearly two months. He was “alright,” “not exactly my type,” and “someone to hang out with.” Definitely my top three traits for a perfect forever! The saddest part was what she mentioned after that: “Well it is better to be with him then to not have anything.” She noticed my silence and awaited what she knew my response would be…”it is much better to be alone then to be with someone who takes away any part of you, especially your standards.” Statistically this is a rather typical “Anna” response.

Since when did we start thinking that without someone else we are nothing? Don’t sell your soul (refer to the Harlot piece for more on our personal price) and your standards just to have companionship. I have spent 27 years refining and trying to figure out who I am and I will be the last person to put my personal finishing school on hold for someone who is just “alright.” I personally believe, and could prove it to be true, that standards are of the utmost. Theoretically speaking, in order for anything to improve (government, the economy, foreign relations, etc.) statutes of higher order are necessary. This meaning that principles must first be created and then followed in order for any element of that entity to improve.

This goes for us as well! In order for society to have emancipation from divorce, heart-break, single-parent homes, abortions, etc. we must raise who we are as individuals. It is not enough to be part of the normal crowd because greatness rarely arises from the masses. We must be willing to spend a few extra days alone in order to 1) learn who we really are, 2) make sure our standards are real and not just a façade, and 3) to learn what God really sees as great for our lives. This patience is what creates in us the confidence to trust our intuition as well as gives us the ability to say no to anything sub-par.

Don’t you feel honored when you are chosen by someone who has high standards? It’s pretty much the same thing as getting a letter saying that you are the best, the ultimate, the elected, the one. Personally, I would rather wait to have “earth-shattering, spell-binding, unexplained love” versus having a right now full of “alright, good for now, not exactly my type.”  (PS: This is what I have now and I often tear up when I even talk about my husband. My standards were through the roof-and I believed that God had put those in my heart for a reason. He is the most beautiful, compassionate, kind, tender, handsome, wise, reverent man I know.)

I pray that God grants each of you the patience to wait for something incredible. If you have already found it, I tip my hat to you. Oh, and congratulations on being chosen.  
pps: we are all chosen by God.  It is the accepting part (shocking!) that is the hardest. Grace can sometimes be harder to accept than it is to give.  Give His grace a chance :)

xoxoxoxo, Anna N

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