A beautiful life.

This is a little (but long) post about waiting, beautiful things, great people and amazing grace. 

Why am I posting about this now? 

Answer: I want our daughter (if this is a girl), to marry a man just like her father.  And if we have a son, I want our son to be just like my husband.  Entirely.

Beautiful. Life.


Dear Ladies in waiting:

This has so been on my heart recently.  You see, I had the most amazing life up to the point my husband and I started dating.  I always said I wanted to marry someone that changed my life for the better and gave me a reason to transition from so many amazing things.  

I had the time of my life (I also LOVE my life now) before Matt and I started dating in October of 2009.  I lived with the most amazing women, in the most beautiful home, went to an amazing church, traveled the world, and was truly content. I was romanced by God everyday and really, I have never had standards set or raised in such a way as those few precious years.  

I decided to start walking with God back in 2007. I know a lot of people knew me as a "Christian" before that but lets be honest, I didn't know God at all.  I was good at knowing all of the "religious" things but really had no relationship with Him.  I didn't realize how much He loved me, how much beauty He saw in me, what plans He held for my future, and how He knew my heart.  I was "religious," like probably 90% of America.  But, as this nation has proven, "religion" does nothing for you other than give you a box to check off and a few specific cards to buy at certain times of the year.  There was something much more that God wanted me to know.

Coming to know who Jesus really was, that He is our saviour and one who shows us grace and truth and above all else, forgiveness, radically rocked my world.  My girlfriends thought my standards were high before and then I decided to actually accept Jesus into my life...that is when they skyrocketed.  My friends often ask why I am the only woman who tells them to raise their standards when everyone else tells them to lower them-it is because I have experienced what the Maker of my heart can do when I pray for big things and because of that, how could I ever want anything less for each one of you??? (If you have ever read this blog before, you know how MADLY IN LOVE I am with my husband...and my standards were through the roof for this one).

So here is my wisdom for you:  

1. Find out who God is.  He made you, He knows you, and there is nothing more beautiful in this world than BEING KNOWN. (you can ask me any questions about this) 

2. Get amazing girlfriends. I mean legit, solid, "I want to be like you" girlfriends.  

3. Live with these girls. 


4. Volunteer. No better time to serve others than now. It changed my life dramatically.

5. Seek God for your husband-not the bars, classes, etc. (I tried that: it cost me a lot of money and dignity).  

6. Find a man that you respect more every moment you spend with him.  Men become who you say and feel they are.  Date men that want to be greater men (and men that answer to God, not to man)

7. Don't live with a man, or sleep with him, before you stand before God and your witnesses and vow to love each other and say "NO MATTER WHAT".   I know people think that helps with the chance of not getting a divorce but stats still show that more people get divorced who live together first than people who don't.  This life is about faith and it is high time someone believed that you were the person that they would wait for the skies to fall for.  Sex is awesome-let it be captivated in marriage with your hot husband who said, "I promise to love you no matter what."  

I love knowing that my husband is the only one who has ever fully had all of me (I was 29 when we got married).

I know these are "old-fashioned" but I promise you, it is the loveliest "fashioning" I have ever experienced.

I hope this encourages all of you. I know many don't agree but I say this out of a girl who's heart has experienced real love and who's heart has experienced "something else."  Great love is all encompassing, passionate, sacrificial, all-knowing, "rock my world," sort of love.  


I want our daughters, if we have them, to believe this wholeheartedly. That they are worth it.

Please wait for it and let God romance you and set seemingly impossible standards.  ALL of my "impossibles" came true.  

"With God, all things are possible."  

Amen, sisters.

PS: My hot husband just did this:

And he even made me buy OPI :) If you know me well, you know I don't own one bottle of nail polish (literally, none) and had to go out and buy nail polish remover.  He thought I needed red nails for Christmas and wanted to help me.

Babe- I somehow love you more today than I did yesterday.  Thank you for loving me better than I thought humanly possible.  I love you smuch.

xoxo, Anna N

His plans.

Just a little note to say we are alive and kicking (baby, too...literally) but still in the midst of a crazy remodel:


-no toilets
-no kitchen yet
-no doors on yet
-no master bath
-still painting left to be done (literally 15 gallons of paint have been used on the interior)
-oh, and our refrigerator somehow disappeared from the appliance order :)


Oh, and we move in tomorrow morning.

Empty wall.  So sad.

You know the crazy thing?  Once I had one meltdown (actually I have had two tear-filled events during this last month), I felt completely at rest!


Funny thing about planning and me:  I feel sooooo at peace when things that I plan don't work. For instance: the appliance order that was set and ready to go and the refrigerator that now will be here next Wednesday (which means day 35 of eating out).  Somehow it just makes me smile because it makes me remember that I AM NOT IN CONTROL of my life. There is a God who is much greater than I and I seriously just smiled when the guys said the fridge was nowhere to be found.


Why? Because there is something about not being in control of everything that reminds that there is Someone who is.


Halle-de-lujah.


Skip-de-doo.


And did I mention how better His plans have been then mine?  Just look at my husband...never planned on marrying someone that ridiculously awesome AND handsome.


xoxo, Anna N

A love story.

Happy Monday, lovelies!

You can find Matt and I's story here today: www.hespeaksinthesilence.com

Or you can find me at Home Depot, painting doors, packing boxes, the doctor's office (PS: the echocardiogram was clear and apparently our baby is "quite active"), etc.

xoxo, Anna

PS: My down jackets barely zip...this little workout tummy friend seems to be taking up more and more space by the day :)

Hope.

I just read this on another young lady's blog and thought it needed to be reposted:

"...and what my Dad told me growing up proved to be absolutely true - "Don't think about what he's going to be like too much; you don't need to. The Lord has already taken care of it. He has someone far better than you can even imagine.""


Amen. Sisters-believe this and live like you believe it.  You will be the brightest thing in the room :)


xoxo, Anna (who's husband is far, far, far better than I ever dreamed of...and I was a GREAT dreamer)

PS: Did I ever mention how much my husband loves to dance. LOVES.  Look at that joy! 

I love it.

The Harlot-what is our price?

This is from 3.5 years ago and something that still speaks to me.  We can all sell our souls for some price and trust me, just thinking of it in that way will hopefully make you a little more aware to all of the "buyers" in the market.  

The Harlot-what is our price?Sunday, January 27th, 2008

Maybe I will do something lighter next time-

I love books. However, my love is often only for the ones that you can pick up and finish in two days. My attention span is short; if it is not captured in the first chapter the book will go directly to sitting on my night stand with the large collection of “Page 20 somethings.” These are the books that I attempted to get into but stopped reading due to lack of charm, interest, etc. I usually have about five sitting on the stand at a time, secretly hoping that I will one day make it past the first 20 pages. A few of the current Page 20 Somethings include: The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire (700 pages and written in the late 1700s…”gripping” isn’t necessarily the first word that comes to mind), When the Fairy Dust Settles (part of a book club at this time), and The Marshall Plan (a friend wrote this one).

Let me get to the book for which this title is dedicated. The book is called “Redeeming Love” by Francine Collins. I am sure that many of you have heard of it and possibly even read it. I started it at 11pm on Saturday night and finished by Monday morning. If it wasn’t for the fact that I am not that charming on less than six hours of sleep, I would have finished it all the first night.

I am not too sure how to even start the write up because I am still sorting through all of the emotion that I felt by just turning page after page. I hope none of us ever have to experience the heartache necessary to find God’s love that was portrayed so vividly in this book.

Quick summation: Angel was a young girl sold into prostitution after her mother died (her mother was a prostitute as well). She was so hardened that she never cried or even tried to escape. In fact, she often went back to this way of life because it was all that she had known. She was only aware of a place where love was evil and feelings were meant to never be discussed or better yet, felt. The book is modeled after the Bible book, Hosea, in which Hosea is told to marry a prostitute (and keep going back and rescuing her). The man in the book is told by God to go into the brothel and take her out and marry her. He is a strong Christian man and spent years with her rescuing her from the depravity she was drawn back to.

I thought when I started reading this book that I would sympathize with the man, who was always trying to remove someone from all of the hurt of the world (women are fixers). Instead, my heart actually felt what this girl was going through. Oddly, she was a prostitute sold into the industry at the age of eight and had endured her every bone being sold at the cost and pleasure another. And I felt what she felt: to the very core of my being.

I am not a prostitute/harlot/hooker/etc., but I know what it is like to sell myself at the cost of my invaluable dignity.

We have all been a harlot to this world. We have all sold ourselves for some price at the cost of our very soul; hopefully not at the cost of physical abuse and torment at the same time. We all seem to forget that the devil does not walk around with horns on his head, cackling, and leading us into places that are on fire and marked by eternal darkness. He attracts us with shopping malls, lust (at the time the thoughts might include “what does one night matter?”), colorful magazines that not only purchase our thoughts but turn them around into an arsenal for the devil (sex is on at least 9 out of 10 of the covers of the top magazines), and wealth. Wealth will purchase a soul better than all of the others combined. How many happy people have you seen who have had a ton of plastic surgery or what about those driving the new BMW 7 series/Range Rover/etc.? Seriously, go do your own analysis on that one.  The price is way too high.

Where in all of this are we able to keep a pure heart without growing hardened to everyone around us? Where do we gain discretion, wisdom, morale, and standards if that is the last thing that the world has to offer? In fact, the world mocks those attributes more than it frowns upon STDs, open sex and divorce.  I have met many people that have spent years figuring it out on their own and they are still searching, still wanting, still desiring something that they know their soul is yearning for. A seemingly insatiable desire...

The closer I draw to God, the more I realize that He is the ONLY one that can buy us back from this world. I honestly have no idea how people who do not believe in God make it through this world…I consider myself to be personable, determined, independent, etc., and with all of those attributes I couldn’t imagine a world without Him. I don’t go to this world for support because it has never filled me. I can to Forever 21 everyday of my life and will still come home and want more-not because there is anything new but because I was not fulfilled. I can travel the world and experience everything other cultures have to offer and I can still come home and feel alone in my own home.

{*Inserted today: I spent years seeking after men just to have affirmation from a man.  Fortunately, by God's grace, I didn't have a million pursuers and I had to deal more readily with the rejection (which I now consider God's ABUNDANT GRACE-look at my husband :)) than I did with figuring out who to date. I sold myself and often would drink to gain courage just to find myself trying to gain attention from someone in a way that my heart didn't even desire.  I put my soul on the market.  Fortunately, God pulled it off a few years ago and my ENTIRE life changed.  God became my redeemer, not some man.  And through Him being my redeemer, I met the most beautiful, handsome, intelligent, gracious, tender man I have ever, will ever, know.}

I am a harlot (in regards to selling my soul), bought only by Jesus’ death on the cross. The only way he could rescue any of us was to offer 100% forgiveness…99% would leave way too much left to apologize about on a daily basis. I was bought by the blood of Jesus on the cross and I will never understand why He thought I was worth it.

Remaining in wonder I will attempt to live my life knowing that I must honor someone who loves me at the cost of His own life.

Waiting. Again.

I met with a dear friend today and we were talking about blogging and since she is an encourager, I left there feeling that I needed to be better at this "blog" thing.  I am trying to post things from years ago because 1) It proves God's faithfulness. 2) It shows the importance of being earnest in what you know is a better way.


Here it is.  Another blast from over three and a half years ago.  I wrote this long before Matt and I met/got married/etc.  It is SO worth it.  


*Note the "antiquated" references to an IPOD and movies coming to DVD (netflix!).  

Enough not said.

Worth the wait: great love.

It's amazing to think of all of the things that we are willing to wait for in life. Let me just make a list to reiterate the point (feel free to add):
1) a new I-Pod
2) a new Nintendo/Wii/Xbox/PSP, etc.
3) a vacation
4) a movie
5) a movie to come out on DVD
6) a sporting event
7) 401k/roth/hedge fund maturation
7) ...

We are able to wait for quite a few things that we know will provide more pleasure, excitement, money, and fulfillment. Myself, being 27 years old as of last week, has seen so many people wait for so many things. Sadly, there is one thing that very few people wait for.

Great love.

That's right. Not just “love”-the one you see on Friends or any other large sitcom, but "great" love. Also, not the one that I have often replaced with lust: the first time you see someone that is completely wrong for you but you are greatly attracted to that person. I can’t tell you how many times I have tried to make those lustful situations become a great nothing. (Word for the wise: you can only make something great if there is something to work with.)

I have always believed in it because I was raised in a family that followed after the greatest illustrator and perfector of this great love, Jesus Christ. Whether or not you believe, I can promise you that a belief in Jesus definitely raises your standards and rests your head very softly on your pillow every night knowing that grace is new every morning. My parents taught unconditional love and more importantly, practiced it. So many people enter relationships to have just "love." Something like great love seems to be too much to wait for and the risk is apparently high because it involves time (in a plastic surgery sensitive society, time and gravity seem to be our enemies). I guess we wait for the new IPOD, XBox, sporting event, etc. because we know it will eventually come. There is proof in the marketing that it will be there one day.

The marketing I follow is a slight bit different. It is an antiquated yet modern book that holds in itself 66 other books on that same subject, Great Love. The Bible, something old that holds something new for any heart that is willing to find it. We are an instant gratification society: probably the reason that sex tends to constitute a relationship (don’t worry, that will be touched on later). The Bible talks about this amazing, sacrificial, unconditional, unexplainable love for thousands of pages with personal “great love” letters from the Great God.

I have my doubts in this wait for Great Love but that is only because this world doesn’t know how to believe in anything. Luckily, my doubts are overshadowed by faith. Sometimes I try to create love (not great love, just love), from nothing at all because I want to feel that emotion. Of course, settling for just love leaves me with just that. Nothing “great,” just love by itself in a normal, everyday world sort of way. It is in those moments where I have to pray hard and remind myself why I wait for this thing called Great Love. I wait because I don't think the Bible would exist if this idea of Great Love was not real. Also, I believe in greatness because it is part of a system: below average, average, great. Well, trust me, I will wait for the best of the best even if it takes all of my time. I will travel the world, take any job I want, make great friends, fall in love with fashion trends, read and pray my way through a great life that will hopefully, one day, be interrupted by Great Love.

It does exist. I don’t read the fairy tales just because it was something to do when I was young…I STILL read them because reaching for something great makes my life close to ethereal. I have seen certain friends that have this Great Love and it makes love look punitive in comparison.

My story is written by God’s highly capable hands and in such craftsmanship, “Great” is the only thing that is allowed.

Greatness is great. Average is average. I am not a brain surgeon but I am pretty sure I would choose the former versus the latter.

“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” Hans Christian Andersen.

Are you willing to live it?

Another blast from the past.

A lovely lady I know I had emailed me regarding a post that I had reposted from years ago (here).    It was interesting to me to realize how much the subject of "waiting" captivates women's hearts.  I started writing a book years ago called "Heart Murmurs" that went through all of the CV diseases that might effect our physical hearts and compared it to the emotional heart.  I will add snippets of it someday :)  The Bible is so clear on the "heart is the well-spring of life" and when you look at the fact that more people in the US die of heart disease than anything else, it makes sense.

What really caught me in my research was atherosclerosis: the hardening of the arteries.  This is something that happens over many, many years and it is a slow calcified buildup.   This buildup leads to the narrowing of the arteries and thus it is harder for oxygen (aka: life) to get to the heart. It eventually can lead to a heart attack, stroke or death.

How fascinating it is that we do the same thing with our emotional hearts. We let things build up over years (ask anyone who hasn't gone through counseling or broken the cycle from abuse, addiction, bitterness, etc).  Then slowly, but surely, because we never stopped to realize what was "building up," we lose our oxygen flow and we become hardened.  I would put up pictures but it would definitely disgust you.  "Hardened heart" ring a bell. It got it's name from somewhere :)

Two of my lovelies, Courtney and Heather (both bridesmaids), went with me to berry pick yesterday and this was a bulk of our conversation (might I add how ridiculously awesome that is-post to come next).  How if we don't get rid of that plaque and start tearing it away, tearing away the lies, the hurt, the bitterness, then we are less open to life, literally.  We must view ourselves in the eyes of the One who made us and promised us that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." When did we start believing satan and letting the world telling us we weren't worth it?  That has got to stop.  It is a lie and it will slowly, but again surely, destroy.

Here is something I jotted years ago but my heart still rings true.  Ladies-maybe the Maker is trying to speak to one of you and let you know that you are worth it.  That you are chosen, beautiful, perfect, and set apart.  Let that voice be the one you hear.  And then maybe, the lies will dwindle away.

             What can break my heart (2007)

I am a somewhat transparent person: not overly private, will tell you nearly all that you ask (nearly), and I usually wear my heart on my sleeve. By God’s good grace, my transparent personality is also coupled with His wisdom-and trust me, you can tell when I am not walking with Him.  So unwise!!!

I have never personally had my heart broken and I also really don’t care to feel what that is like…although I do love it when people say that you must go through it so you know what love really is. I am pretty sure I can feel love without having it wrenched out of my heart, thank you! It’s kind of like somebody telling you that you have to break your leg in order to actually know its full function. I don’t think so…  

Here is my real heart break: one of my dearest friends called me the other night and stated that she had been dating someone for nearly two months. He was “alright,” “not exactly my type,” and “someone to hang out with.” Definitely my top three traits for a perfect forever! The saddest part was what she mentioned after that: “Well it is better to be with him then to not have anything.” She noticed my silence and awaited what she knew my response would be…”it is much better to be alone then to be with someone who takes away any part of you, especially your standards.” Statistically this is a rather typical “Anna” response.

Since when did we start thinking that without someone else we are nothing? Don’t sell your soul (refer to the Harlot piece for more on our personal price) and your standards just to have companionship. I have spent 27 years refining and trying to figure out who I am and I will be the last person to put my personal finishing school on hold for someone who is just “alright.” I personally believe, and could prove it to be true, that standards are of the utmost. Theoretically speaking, in order for anything to improve (government, the economy, foreign relations, etc.) statutes of higher order are necessary. This meaning that principles must first be created and then followed in order for any element of that entity to improve.

This goes for us as well! In order for society to have emancipation from divorce, heart-break, single-parent homes, abortions, etc. we must raise who we are as individuals. It is not enough to be part of the normal crowd because greatness rarely arises from the masses. We must be willing to spend a few extra days alone in order to 1) learn who we really are, 2) make sure our standards are real and not just a façade, and 3) to learn what God really sees as great for our lives. This patience is what creates in us the confidence to trust our intuition as well as gives us the ability to say no to anything sub-par.

Don’t you feel honored when you are chosen by someone who has high standards? It’s pretty much the same thing as getting a letter saying that you are the best, the ultimate, the elected, the one. Personally, I would rather wait to have “earth-shattering, spell-binding, unexplained love” versus having a right now full of “alright, good for now, not exactly my type.”  (PS: This is what I have now and I often tear up when I even talk about my husband. My standards were through the roof-and I believed that God had put those in my heart for a reason. He is the most beautiful, compassionate, kind, tender, handsome, wise, reverent man I know.)

I pray that God grants each of you the patience to wait for something incredible. If you have already found it, I tip my hat to you. Oh, and congratulations on being chosen.  

pps: we are all chosen by God.  It is the accepting part (shocking!) that is the hardest. Grace can sometimes be harder to accept than it is to give.  Give His grace a chance :)

xoxoxoxo, Anna N